This weekend I had my first interesting question about Eden....
Nonetheless, from a child but still a hard one to swallow.
Them: Where did you buy her from?
Me: We didn't buy her.
Them: Where's she from?
Me: (insert our town name)
Them: But, where's she really from, where did you get her?
Me: Ethiopia in Africa, a long ways across the ocean.
Them: Oh yeah.
End of story.
It still is a hard one to hear. I know it's just from a child and thank goodness I didn't hear an adult ask me that, or a food fight would have ensued. But where do people pick up these notions that if a child is adopted we bought them? It's ridiculous! And it's truly sad that children are picking up on this at their age.
We're starting to come to the realization that if we ever in fact decided to have a biological child, we would also be getting that...."see, you adopted one and then you had your own" can of worms. Honestly, at this time in our lives, I can't imagine not pursuing more adoptions and bringing our family into the lives of other children around the world (ok, Africa). I think we let the biological child ship sail away long ago. We've dealt with all of that and I have zero desire to do it again.
I don't even view Eden as adopted. She's our daughter. Period. I even have a friend that thinks, Eden even looks like me (too funny). And another friend says, yeah, she even talks as much and acts like you too. Well of course she does! She's our child :) Mannerisms are learned not inherited, I believe for the most part anyway. We already know she's stubborn and has a temper like her mother. Her dad wishes she'd sleep in more like him (even though 8:30 AM this morning I thought was pretty darn good for sleeping in!)...
(Happy 10th B-Day to my neice, "B" today!!)
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yes, i know i’m an idiot
9 hours ago
10 comments:
Where do kids get these ideas? Oh yeah, I remember, from adults who dont think before they speak... I have taken all the courses tht speak about dealing with questions like this, but I still think when you are in the moment it is hard not to be completely gobsmacked!! I too am amazed that people think that adopted children are purchases... What is wrong with the world?
I know exactly what you mean, and our child isn't even home yet. I have already had comments similar to that and it really gets to me, but I try to just think of them as ignorant, needing to be educated gently, but it's still hard and I know it will be even harder when our child is right there. And I know I will feel just like you, not thinking of our child as adopted, just our child. I think that's the way it should be. There is no difference in the love. You just keep up the good things you're doing and educate people one at a time!
Alysia
Good responses Mommy!-it doesn't make it OK but children are naturally curious. As a parent I will do my very best to raise very socially considerate children, education and communication are key. A good lesson, thanks for sharing. I have a friend with a daughter from China-they have the same allergies! Eden is sweet as sugar, I just love how you do her hair, a beautiful family!
Oh those questions hurt. What makes me just as upset is knowing that an adult in that child's life must have taught them that way of thinking.
So far we've just had to deal with the endless streams of people who seem to think it's completely their business to ask for nitty gritty details about Hana's personal story.
Sounds like you handeled the situation well. That child obviously heard that from an adult somewhere- what a negative thing to say. All adoptive parents have to teach people the facts about adoption and what is and is not acceptable to say.
Carolyn
It's possible that a child heard that idea from an adult, but also quite possible that they formulated their own explanation - 'kid logic'. You know, they know that if your child is adopted then they weren't born to you, so hmm, where do you get things? You buy them at a store. That is totally the kind of thing I could see T saying if he wasn't familiar with the idea of adoption. I mean, this is the kid who asked when my sister in law was getting home from the vet's office... after she had a baby. :)
We've heard this question too, both by adults and kids. With kids, I'm honest with my answers ... except the one who asked "is this the poor kid you saved?" He heard from his parents we were adopting. I was too dumbfounded to answer.
Anyway, with adults, depending on how they have asked, we've answered everything from "Toys R Us" to "Ebay", followed by "we don't buy children, that's called child trafficking" and walking away. Then they know they sound ridiculous. I even said once that my puppet became a real boy!
We're not all rude. When people ask serious questions, we answer properly. When they ask out pure rudeness and a look of disgust, we're short back.
One lady thought we bought him off a World Vision commercial. Seriously.
But you're right, I can't imagine our family being any different. He's our son. He even has the same eyes as mine and we're constantly told we're so much alike. I love it!
Good thing it was a child asking that question and not an adult.
I like the eBay answer! A ridiculous question deserves a ridiculous answer.
That is hurtful. We've been there too. Ridiculous comments from both adults and children, and not always knowing how to respond. You wish you could just sit down with them and educate them and make them understand what adoption really means, but that's not always possible, especially if they don't want to learn.
B.R.U.T.A.L!!!!!
People are so damn dumb! Not ignorant, or uneducated or well-meaning - DUMB!!!
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